For those of us who live and work in DC, we are all too familiar with the N- word: networking. Networking is the art of schmoozing and cultivating people who can be helpful to one in moving up, either professionally or socially. In a competition driven city defined by over-achieving, young professionals, the only thing that matters is who you know.
Individuals engage in two types of networking: social networking and professional networking. After months of extensive research, countless hours of field work and several hundred interviews, I have discovered another category of networking, endemic to DC, which I have classified as Terminator Networking (Copyright pending).
Terminator Networking is the culmination of motivation, competition and raw ambition manifesting into behavioral characteristics tantamount to those exhibited by The Terminator; a fictional character portrayed by the illustrious Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Terminator Networkers (TN’s), have only two goals: terminate the competition and get the job, at any cost. They are ruthless in their pursuit and infamous for their casualties.
Below is a list of Terminator skills employed by TN’s:
1) Much like the Terminator who can crash through walls and withstand heavy firearm, the TN can withstand copious amounts of alcohol and is resistant to the allure of eye candy.
2) The Terminator can look at an individual and process data, such as weight and height. The TN can look at an individual and determine occupation, position in a company and overall usefulness in helping them achieve their career goals.
3) It can be argued that the TN is also a cyborg. The research on this matter is inconclusive and requires several more hours of fieldwork.
4) It is nearly impossible to destroy a TN. If you get in the way of the mission, prepare to be terminated.
5) TN’s were created by the government as robotic assassins (under the Bush Administration). Once again, the data is inconclusive; however, if you ever witnessed a TN take down a competitor, you would be convinced of the validity of this argument.
